


HOTline

by outphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (it's so ridiculous that's why it's crack), Awkwardness, Crack Treated Seriously, Crushes, M/M, Masturbation, Neighbors, Phone Sex, neighbors to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-07 18:53:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20822165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outphan/pseuds/outphan
Summary: When Phil's computer breaks, he calls a hotline...





	HOTline

**Author's Note:**

> beta by [@Amethyst](http://amethysthollis.tumblr.com) who said the following about this fic: anyone you want (yes, your neighbour too)
> 
> it's a stupid title, i know... don't take this too seriously lmao
> 
> for the PFF Bingo. squares: help hotline, oral sex, handjobs

“Oh, hey Phil, how’s Norman?”

Phil looks up from his very important task of trying to open the door to see his neighbour stood in front of his own door. _Be still, my beating heart,_ Phil thinks. He’s certain it’s beating so loudly that Dan can hear it.

Here’s the thing: Phil has been living in this apartment for 2 years, Dan moved into the building 9 months ago. And he’s had a crush on him ever since. But they’re not really friends, there are no dinners together, no watch parties, nothing. Phil gets Dan’s package if he’s not in and vice versa. But Dan asks about Phil’s fish and Phil asks about Dan’s quest into cuisine.

But he can’t tell his heart to knock it off. He tried. He failed.

“He’s fine, thanks for asking! I got him a plastic leaf and he sits on it.”

“That’s too cute.” Dan gives him a charming smile. God, Phil would love to wipe that smirk off of his face.

“And you? How are things?”

“Oh, you know, same old.” Dan shrugs. “I’m off to work, actually, don’t want to be late.”

“Have a nice day!”

Dan fixes his bag on his shoulder before giving Phil a wave and walking away. Phil watches him until he disappears into the lift. Then, with a sigh, he opens his door and thinks about that one day, he’ll ask him out.

A couple of hours later, he’s on his laptop, editing a new video. It’s early evening, too early to call it a day and binge something, but too late for him to go out for a walk. He needs to get this done, but he’s tired and his eyes are hurting.

So he stands up and walks around his flat for a few minutes. He has a chat with Norman, asking him about his day, then he heats an apple as he texts his mum. Once he procrastinated enough, he returns to his laptop.

But his laptop decided to die. The screen is black and there’s no electrical whirring. He taps and types but it doesn’t come back. He forces it to shut down and anxiously waits a minute to turn it back on, but still nothing.

He does everything he can think of and more. He Googles quick fixes and whatnots, but nothing is working. He wants to give up, he really does, but he can’t. He can’t afford to lose this job. As a freelancer, good-paying jobs are hard to come across, especially ones that he likes. The only downside is that this job is time-sensitive and it needs to be done by the morning.

So as a last resort, he Googles the number of a computer repair company that’s open 24 hours. He feels extremely lucky as he dials the number, battling his social anxiety.

The line opens after a click and he’s too anxious to wait for the party to begin as he begins. “Hi, uh… My laptop is not working and I really need it to work.”

“Hello there,” a guy says, sounding very, very sensual. His voice is fairly familiar, but because of the phone’s distortion, Phil can’t be sure. “You need a repairman, baby? I can be your repairman.”

Phil blinks. He reckons it’s highly inappropriate to call a customer ‘baby’, but he’s too desperate to question it. “Oh, uh… Yes, please,” he says, because he doesn’t know exactly what he should be saying.

“Oh, is there some pipework that needs to be fixing?” the guy on the other end says. “I’ll fix you with my hand… Or my mouth if you want it. I’m excellent at it.”

Phil forgets how to speak. He’s beginning to think that he called the wrong (the worst) number, but he’s too nice to end the call.

“Oh, uh…”

“It’s okay, we can go slow… I prefer slow and _hard… Very hard. _What’s your name, baby?”

Phil doesn’t want to say it, but he just ends up blurting it out. “Phil.”

“Oh, that’s a gorgeous name. It’ll be so good to say that… I’d like you to imagine something, baby.”

“Okay.” At this point, Phil knows he needs to hang up but this is like those stupid Episode games that he likes so much. He’s too hooked on the story and it’s costing him a lot. 

“I knock on your door, you open it up. I’ve got ripped jeans on, but nothing else.” Phil swallows hard. He doesn’t like where this is going, but he’s also very into it. “I’ve got a red toolbox with all the goodies you can possibly want,” the guy whispers. “I bend down and you check out my ass. Do you like what you’re seeing?”

Phil settles into his chair. At some point, he closes his eyes as he imagines the guy in front of him. However, he very much looks like Dan, with his smirk and unruly brown curls. He sees Dan’s red spots and dimples and his full lips he’d like to be kissing right now.

“I do.” Phil bites into his lip.

“Tell me what you want to do, baby.”

“I want to touch you.”

“Go ahead, tell me.”

Phil imagines that. He imagines putting his hands on the guy’s - Dan’s - hips, pulling him closer until he’s stood in front of him and too close. “I put my hand on your back and you look at me.”

“God, I want you so much, baby.” Phil doesn’t say anything, but he does feel a slight tightness in his joggers. He’s slightly ashamed of it, but at the same time, he’s too into it at this point. It’s ridiculous how easy it was for the guy to get him going. He wiggles in his chair, until he’s sat in it wearing nothing but boxers and his t-shirt. “Tell me what you’re wearing.”

Saying an old T-shirt isn’t sexy, so Phil only says the half-truth. “Black boxers.”

“I turn and look at you and… Oh my!” The guy gasps. “You’re so huge, baby, mmm… Can I touch you?”

“Yes,” Phil breathes. He cups his semi-hard dick through the fabric. Fuck, it feels so good. He imagines Dan to be in front of him, head cocked to the side, watching him. “God, that’s so good.”

“It is, baby. Now imagine me kissing your chest, leaving small marks on it, claiming my territory.” Phil moans quietly as he does, feeling Dan’s lips on his skin. “That’s it, baby, now I’m kissing your stomach, gently biting into it.”

“Fuck.”

“Can I keep going?”

“Yes.” It’s insane how hot and bothered this guy got Phil so quickly. He’s already straining against his boxers but he doesn’t want to properly touch himself yet. “Please, yes.”

“I kiss your thighs, do you like that?”

“Yeah.”

“You grip my hair and I’ve got a smirk on. You know I’m just playing with you.”

“Fuck, please.”

“Touch your chest for me, baby.” Phil does, nails scraping his skin. It feels so good. He moans as he brushes his fingers against his nipples, taking one between his fingers and rolling it. “That’s it, be loud for me.” He gives the other one the same attention, grunting in response. “Are you hard, baby?”

“So hard.”

“Do you want me to stop teasing?”

“Yes.”

“You’re so good, baby.”

Phil imagines Dan looking at him, on his knees, with eyes wide open. He’s got an excited smile and he’s licking his lips. “God, I’d…”

“What is it?”

“I’d love to feel your mouth on me,” he says to the guy and hears a small chuckle in response.

“We can do that, baby.” The guy moans quietly. “I kiss your inner thighs again as you’ve still got your hand in my hair. Then gently I cup your dick with my mouth through your boxers.”

“Fuck…”

“That’s it, baby. Fuck, you’re so big and so hard, I can’t wait to have you in my mouth.” Phil sighs, imagining Dan in front of him. “I suck your dick for a few seconds because I don’t want you to come yet.”

“That’s so good.”

“Take your boxers off, baby.” Phil does, sitting butt naked on his chair. Thank God it’s faux leather, cleaning it will be easy. “You’re gorgeous. I lick the tip of your cock, licking that fat drop of come. Fuck, you taste good, too.”

With a shaky hand, Phil lightly touches his dick. He can picture Dan, with come, his come on his lips. He’s looking at Phil and no one else. “I want you.” But Phil doesn’t mean the guy on the other end. He means Dan, the person he’s had a crush on for the past 9 months and the person he would like to be doing this.

“You’ve got me. I take you in my mouth again, oh it’s so hot and tight and good.”

“Fuck, that feels good.” Phil wraps his hand around his dick.

“Are you touching yourself?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Your dick tastes so fucking good. It sits heavy on my tongue, can you feel that, baby?”

“I can.” Phil moves his fist, pumping his cock a couple of times. He moans at the contact. “Fuck, I want it harder.”

“Harder it is. I take your dick in my mouth properly, swirling my tongue around it. How does it feel?”

“So good, baby.”

“I lick the tip, grazing my teeth on the sensitive skin.” Phil shudders as he swipes his thumb across his slit. “Then I go back down again, deeper than before, taking all off that gorgeous, massive, hard cock into my mouth. It feels so good for me, does it feel good for you?”

“You’re perfect.”

The guy moans in response to Phil’s moans. “That’s it, baby, keep making those delicious sounds. I swallow around your dick, then I keep moving my head, giving you the blowjob of a lifetime.”

“Fuck.” Phil moans. He’s so close. He keeps wanking himself, moving his hand. He wishes it was Dan’s. “Fuck, I’m close.”

“You can come in my mouth, baby. I’d love to taste you.” Within a few seconds, Phil comes, shooting the sticky white liquid into his palm until it’s seeping out. He’s moans and the guy joins in. “Fuck, you taste so good, you’re so good, baby.”

Phil fucks his fist until it becomes sensitive and he just can’t take it anymore. He blinks his eyes open, looking at his quite shameful endeavour. His joggers around his knees, so are his boxers. Come on his hand, thighs, chair and desk. Feeling good, but feeling embarrassed. 

“Oh, uh… Thanks.”

“It was my pleasure.” The guy giggles. “Anything else I can do for you?”

“No, uh… you were great.”

“Well, hopefully, I’ll have the chance to talk to you once again, Phil.”

After a second, Phil’s mellow mind says, “Uh… It feels weird, not even knowing your name.”

“Oh, uh… It’s, uh... D-Da… Dave.”

Then, with a click, the guy quickly hangs up, leaving Phil sitting in his shame. Considering he wanted to call a computer repair service and not a sex hotline… Yeah, he had a good time. An awkward one, but a bloody great time.

The following morning, Phil's heading out to a computer shop. He doesn’t want to risk misdialling and having yet another phone sex, so going to the shop it is. He’s already late with his work (although he thankfully managed to get an extension), so might as well do it properly.

On his way out, he bumps into Dan. Looking as gorgeous as ever, obviously. God, one of these days, he’ll ask him out, or invite him in for a drink.

“Hi, Dan!”

“Morning, Phil,” Dan answers with a yawn. “How are you doing?”

“Yeah, good and you?”

“Tired,” Dan laughs.

“Shit day at work?”

“As always. But that’s just, uh… McDonald’s for you, baby.”

Phil stops, his brain short circuits. The way Dan said ‘baby’ sounded familiar. Very familiar. Like… Phone sex familiar.

He can feel his face turning crimson red. Fuck, this can’t be happening. He doesn’t want to say anything, but once again, he blurts it out.

“I think I had phone sex with you yesterday.”

It’s Dan’s turn to blush. Then very elegantly, he says, “What?”

Phil blinks, trying to forget that he even opened his mouth. “No, nevermind, I…”

Fuck, this is beyond embarrassing. What if Phil got it wrong? He must’ve. The chance of that happening would be very, very, _very_, low. And he managed to straight up detonate every single chance he might’ve had with Dan.

Yesterday’s shame just keeps biting him in the ankle, isn’t it?

“Fuck.” Dan grunts. He’s just as red as Phil feels like. It’s not really a hallway conversation, nor is it a conversation you normally expect to have with your neighbour early in the morning. “Uh… Okay, Jesus, this is… Repairman?”

“Yeah,” he says quietly.

“Fuck,” Dan says again. They’re stood there for what feels like an eternity and neither of them know how to proceed. Phil wants to get away, but he can’t even move. “Okay, since everything is out in the open now, I think you deserve to know something.”

After yesterday, that ‘something’ doesn’t sound so bad. “Yeah?”

Dan bites into his lip then says, “I kinda have a crush on you.”

“Oh.”

“I mean, it’s fine if you don’t, but I feel like after the uh… Phone sex yesterday, you deserve to know,” Dan babbles.

“No, I… Crush… On you.” Phil would like to slap himself, thank you very much. “I’ve got a crush on you, as well.”

Dan smiles. “Okay, that’s… good.”

“So what now? I feel like we kind of jumped a bunch of steps and… I mean we did it in the wrong order.” Phil can’t help but notice the way Dan checks him out. The balance has shifted and Phil feels like he’s kind of allowed to think what he’s thinking at the moment. After last night’s stint, he’s still imagining Dan’s lips on his. 

“Uhm… Drink? I mean, coffee, ‘cause it’s the morning.”

“Actually… you’ve got anywhere to be?”

“Nope, not at the moment.”

Phil hesitates for a second, before very boldly saying. “What if we made that uh… phone sex real? If you want?” Dan blinks so Phil quickly continues. “I mean this is not like the real me, I’m actually quite reserved, but I feel like I’m still riding that… uhm, riding that orgasm from yesterday.”

Dan smirks and says, “Who knew Phil Lester can be so bold and horny?” Phil rolls his eyes as his cheeks darken. “Lead the way, baby.”

“We need to work on your vocabulary.”

Phil goes back into his flat, this time followed by Dan. It’s weird, it’s highly unusual for Phil to be jumping into something so quickly, but with the rules out the window, he feels like that this one is fine, that he gets a pass.

He puts his laptop on the desk as he leads Dan into the bedroom. Yeah, he’s got more important things to do than getting his laptop fixed. And that is to be finally kissing Dan, in real life this time. 

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: almost 1% of this fic is just 'baby'. you're welcome.
> 
> follow me on tumblr [@outphan](outphan.tumblr.com)
> 
> if you liked this fic, you can like/reblog it on [tumblr](https://outphan.tumblr.com/post/188030725734/hotline)


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